


Long, Long Way To Go

by rockbrigade



Category: Tennis no Oujisama | Prince of Tennis
Genre: Gen, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-29
Updated: 2015-08-29
Packaged: 2018-04-17 22:08:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4683125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rockbrigade/pseuds/rockbrigade
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>And anyone who knew us both could see, we always were the better part of me</p>
<p>In response to a tumblr "line of dialogue" prompt meme: <br/>"Who wouldn’t be angry you ate all of my cereal and faked your death for three years!"<br/>But I think I got carried away, warnings are "just in case" for trauma/death/depression. Also it's DaviBane but their romance isn't really the focus.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Long, Long Way To Go

He raised his eyes in time to the sweep of the door, revealing his room by degrees, and the shadow that blocked the light from the window. He felt himself jump, and then when he settled himself and looked again, saw that it was still there. Bane frowned and stepped into his room, eyes adjusting to the light enough to recognise him. Beat up-looking, skinny, bearded, but him all the same. 

"Aw no, not this again," Bane said. He screwed his eyes shut and slapped his fingers against his temples, "Dammit, I thought I was past this shit!" Bane gave it a minute. Then he opened his eyes. Davide was tilting his head to one side, just in front of him, and looking concerned. 

Bane growled, or gargled, or screamed or something, in frustration, but then he straightened his back. He brought his arms up to his chest and slowly pushed them down 'til his hands hung loose beside him, and breathed out. "Alright," he said in a crisp way, "what's this about. Why am I seeing you now? I guess I've had a tough week but this," he waved his arms in front of him, "is a bit much for exam stress. So what? Survivor's guilt again? My brain trying to trick me into never starting a close relationship? Why are you here and why now?" Bane closed his eyes, reliving the past week in snapshots, trying to find the red flag. 

And in the silence, Davide cleared his throat. Bane cracked one eye open.

"Don't answer that!! Knowing you, you'll only say something like--"

"--I wanted to see you," Davide said, in perfect sync with Bane. 

"--Yeah, I thought so. 'Course. I knew that, that's not-- Wait a minute, I shouldn't be talking to you either!" Bane cursed at himself under his breath. "Alright, brain, I know you wanna see 'im, so of course that's the first thing he says, right, 'cause that's what I wanna hear, right. Nothin' wrong with that!! But actually seein' him is fucked up, Haru." From the corner of his eye, he saw Davide reach out, open his mouth to interrupt, so Bane pointed a stern finger at him. "Fucked. Up. So, I'm gonna close my eyes now," he told Davide, forgetting that he wasn't talking to him, "And I'm gonna count to ten, and when I open them again you're not gonna be here, we clear?" 

Bane didn't wait to find out if they were clear. He closed his eyes, and he counted. And between the numbers he thought, today is a Monday, and I am eighteen years old, and I have two dogs and one brother. Then he opened his eyes. He was alone in his room, and the relief was sharp and painful. He put his hand over his heart and steeled himself, then he turned-- Legs. Davide's fucking legs against the wall by the window, sticking out from below the short curtain. Bane felt his heartbeat race again under his palm and he took a step toward the curtain. It was pulled tight, showing the suspicious lump of a head and shoulders hiding behind it. Bane tried to reach out to pull the curtain aside, but his shoulders shook.

"Okay, alright, fucking-- I see you, Davide, fucking come out of there." Davide's feet shifted, but he didn't move, "You're-- you're behind the curtain okay, I see you, Jesus Christ don't make me pull that sheet off you, come out okay!" Davide peeked his face out from behind the curtain, and then he pushed it along its rails and stepped out. Bane frowned again at the beard. 

"Guess I… drew… too much attention," Davide said quietly, and Bane winced. 

"Christ man, why would you do that?" Davide fidgeted. "That's spooky, man, that's just… Why do that," Bane said, almost to himself. 

Davide scratched at his forearm, and then he said, "We always hide together when we play hide and seek… so you already know all the good hiding places…" 

"Hide and seek!? Wha--" Bane yelled and kicked his bed frame, and then he dropped onto his bed. He held his face in his hands and he could feel himself overheating. "And why the fuck do you have a beard!?" 

Davide smoothed his fingers over the edge of his jaw. "Do you think having facial hirsute-s me? Pfft!" Bane wailed in despair. "…You don't know how long I've been saving that one," Davide said. The room fell silent for some minutes, and Bane was motionless, hands over his ears and head bowed. Without moving he said,

"What are you talking about?" And when Davide gave no reply, Bane raised his face to look at him again. "What do you mean you were saving it? How-- How long have you been saving it, what do you mean?" 

Davide had a distant look, and he frowned. "I don't remember. Can't remember when it started growing-- the beard-- but then when I thought of the pun…" He paused, looking Bane in the eye, checking for permission to talk, and Bane motioned for him to continue, "W-well I said it, told it to myself every day so I'd, I didn't have anything to write them down on so I forgot, so I had to tell them every day. So I'd remember. Them. The puns, yeah…" He trailed off into the silence of the incredulous look Bane had on his face. 

"Every day? But you're…" Bane couldn't say it.

Davide bit at his lip and looked away, "I just, I really wanted to tell you it…"

"But you're--" 

"It, telling the pun to you, it k-kept me going," Davide swallowed hard, and he stared hard at Bane's desk in the corner beside him, trying not to blink. Bane stood up and took the smallest of steps towards where Davide was standing, but the rush in his stomach stopped him from moving. 

"You're… You're not real," Bane said, holding his palms over his temples and staring hard at Davide. Trying to magic him away. 

Davide flinched. And then his shoulders relaxed. In one smooth movement, he straightened his back and turned to look Bane straight in the eye. "Yes, I am?" he said. 

Bane narrowed his eyes. "No… I'm pretty sure that's what I want you to say…" 

"Or it's the truth…?" Davide said, squaring his shoulders. 

"I'm sorry, I wish this were-- well, of course I do, this is all me," Bane waved his hand in the air and shrugged, "And yeah, I'm pretty messed up, right, but I'd really like this to stop now," 

"Well, tough!" Davide said, and he reached out a hand toward Bane, who shrank back from it. "I'll show you what's not real! You want me to slap your face? I'll slap your face right here."

Bane shrugged, showing his palms, suddenly offended. "Alright, fine, geez, slap my--" and he reeled from it and yelped. "God FUCKING dammit, you need to learn to slow down, christ!" He rubbed at his face. And then he stopped. Now Davide was the one shrugging at him. "What…? You're…" Davide nodded, and he didn't hold back in looking smug about it. 

The slight triumphant smirk, the dimples covered over with thick curls of hair, were blurred out by the sudden rush of tears. And Bane's fingertips were blurred as they reached out to Davide. Bane's knees buckled beneath him, and Davide stopped smirking. Bane felt Davide's cold hands folding over his fist, uncurling his fingers and clasping them tight. Bane could feel the pulse, Davide's hand growing warm in his, growing clammy, too, and Bane gently pulled his hand free to wipe it on his jeans. Davide peered at his face. Still there. Bane wiped his eyes and new tears welled up, and Davide was still there beside him. He let Davide place a hand on his shoulder, and he closed his eyes and let the tears drop. His sigh trembled, but he nodded at Davide, it's alright, I'm getting it together, and Davide swept his hand off Bane's shoulder, reassuring but reluctant. 

"So," Davide said, quiet and trying not to disturb the silence, "did you think I was…?" 

"Shit, are you alright?" Bane said. His eyes still stung when he looked at Davide. And Davide opened his mouth to speak, but he swallowed his words. He glanced around the room and his chest heaved, but he couldn't say anything. Then he looked into Bane's eyes, frowning, lost. "Oh Davi, I--" 

"I'm kinda hungry?" Davide said.

Bane braced one hand on the side of the fridge. The light came on and the air circulating inside felt cold against his face that was still hot and swollen. He scanned the top shelf, pulled out a draw and closed it again. Then he looked over his shoulder at Davide. Davide was sitting on one of the dining chairs, bending his knees sharply so his feet fit on the crossbar, and gripping the seat between his legs. He was moving his eyes about the room, stopping to scratch absently at the hair growing on his neck, and, as if something recalled him to the room, he turned his face towards Bane. They caught each other's look, held it for a moment, then each looked away. 

"Um," Bane addressed the floor, "We don't have any-- well, nothing I can cook," he gave a self-conscious laugh and drew his lips back in a smile, but he didn't feel anything behind it. "I'm still not… a great cook, maybe you remember--" He looked at Davide. Davide nodded at him, and there was something warm about it. "I could probably manage, like, cereal? Or toast?" 

"Cereal, cereal would be fine," Davide said, and Bane started opening cupboards, "…please," he added, and then, quieter, "thank you." The bowl scraped along the dining table as Bane pushed it in front of Davide, the spoon inside wobbling in transit and ringing off the sides. Then the milk landed heavily beside the bowl and made the spoon jump. Finally, Bane planted three different, open cereal boxes on the table in front of Davide before pulling up the stool beside him.

"Help yourself," Bane said, with an uneasy smile. Davide took one of the cereal boxes in his hand and shook it. Then he chose the next box along and rattled that one, too, before bringing it in front of his face, pulling the top open and examining the contents. Bane leaned his head to the side, propping his chin up with his hand, watching. Then he said, "Davi? What… What happened?" Davide froze with his hand on the spoon. He didn't look at Bane. "I-I mean, after you fell off the raft, where… where did you…?" Davide bit his lip, and Bane thought he saw his shoulders tremble. 

Bane sat up, wiping his face with both his hands and holding them there, over his eyes. He breathed in, counted to five, then breathed out, and he felt a cold hand on his arm. He peeked out over his fingers and met Davide's eyes. They were cold, too, and scared -- the way he always saw them, between the beat of the rain and the wind, and the black, black waves. Bane scrunched his eyes shut, but he saw them, saw Davide's fingertips reach for him, saw his own grip fail; Bane's hand slapped the water and caught it, but he missed Davide, he missed Davide, and even the chill of those same rough fingers on his arm didn't make it stop. 

"I keep seeing it!" Bane said, with force, and bringing his hands away from his face with enough power to shake himself free of Davide's touch. "I keep seeing you, I keep seeing you fall," he tried to look at Davide, but when he managed it, Davide had turned his face away. "I just, I need to know, I need to know that you were… alright." 

Davide sat motionless for some moments, and then, he picked up the spoon and started eating cereal. His hand moved in a way that was almost mechanical, bowl to mouth, he crunched, and then back again. Finally, the spoon started to scrape against the bottom of the bowl as it emptied, and Bane felt his arms tensed against the tabletop, preparing himself for Davide's answer. But Davide simply poured more cereal from the box into the bowl, and the spoon rattled when Bane's fists slammed the table. Davide flinched, and it seemed with effort that he turned his eyes back to Bane. 

"Are you," Davide started, but his voice sounded gummy in his throat, so he coughed and started over, "Are you angry with me, Bane-san?" 

"Who wouldn’t be angry you ate all of my cereal and faked your death for three years!" Bane's throat grated in the roar, and the silence that followed made his cheeks burn. Davide looked down at the bowl in front of him with his lips pursed. 

"You said I could help myself," he muttered. 

"Just, tell me something," Bane mastered the intensity of his voice until he was speaking in a hush. "Anything, just something to show me this isn't all in my head." He looked at the table, but he could feel Davide's eyes on him. Shame in his chest weighed him down, and he sighed. The room remained so still that even Davide's quiet voice made Bane jump. 

"I woke up on the beach, and I thought-- my skin was all cut up from the sand, and my lips were dry, but I could hear the sound of the waves -- so I thought, I'm home. But," Davide paused, and his breath shuddered into a sob, "B-but then, my eyes-- adjusted, and I realised I was," His fists were balled tightly on top of the table, and they trembled. "I thought, someone will find me, someone will be around here, but they weren't, there wasn't anyone." He stopped a moment to wipe his eyes and calm his breathing, but then he continued, impersonally, "So then I built a fire. And after a few days I found a bottle," Davide looked up to catch Bane's glance, "You remember? I was all obsessed with how, messages in bottles, they save you from desert islands, like in those old books, remember that?" He didn't wait for Bane to nod, "So I wrote a letter-- I wrote you a letter," he corrected himself. 

It startled Bane, "O-oh, Davi, I never--" 

"No, no. I know." Davide closed his eyes and frowned. "I-it just, you know, I think about, thought about maybe you'd get it and know. Find me." His voice was hoarse as he said the words, and he reached one hand to his throat, and Bane got up without a word and filled a glass of water for him. And Bane turned back towards him and saw that he held his face in his hands and shuddered, sobbing silently. 

"You keep seeing it," Bane said, and his voice seemed to cut through to Davide. The silent sob hiccupped into a wail, and Bane remembered being five and wiping Davide's wet face with his grubby sleeve. Bane put the glass on the table, then he put his arms around Davide. He leant against Davide's back, and his leg pressed against the hard wood of the chair and the pressure made his calf throb. Davide took a hand away from his face and put it over Bane's hand, clenching it tight. They stayed like that. At first, it felt like the seconds were being carved out by Davide's agitated breaths and mutterings, and the pulsating Bane heard in his ears but felt in his sore leg. But, Bane found himself listening to the ticking of the kitchen clock, and when he moved to straighten himself out, Davide moved, too, stretching his back and neck, and looking over his shoulder at Bane with calm, but red eyes. 

"How did you get in my room?" Bane said, and then he blinked as if he were surprised he'd asked. "I'd just got home, nobody else is here, I unlocked the door myself…" he let the words he didn't say force his point. Davide reached into the pocket of his trousers (some grey, nondescript slacks, and Bane considered that he'd never seen Davide wear anything like them before) and then held out his palm to show Bane. "The back door key?" 

"When I checked, it was where it always is. Was. It always was there, under the dog house." Davide pushed a hair behind his ear and turned his eyes away. "You still have it. The dog house, I mean. That I made for you. So I remembered." 

Bane took the key from Davide's palm and when he clenched it, he felt the ridges press against his skin. Made sense. All of it did. Except…

"Bane-san?" Davide said, without moving his eyes from the table. "Where are my parents?" 

His parents! Bane felt his mouth drop open, and when Davide turned to him in order to read his silence, Davide added hastily,

"A-are they alright? When they, when I was taken to the hos-hospital, they said… but the phone line, the nurse said-- a-and when I went to my, my house…" 

Bane put his hands on Davide's shoulders and leaned forward so their faces were level. "They moved, Davi. After you--" he closed his eyes to force back what he was so used to thinking, "Your accident, your mom… well, she wasn't the same. They packed up and moved to France to be near your mom's family." Davide said nothing, but he exhaled, and Bane felt those shoulders ease under his palms. "Would you know how to… contact them?" Davide nodded vaguely. 

"I miss my mama," he said, in a small voice. Bane had lifted his hands with the intention of drawing away, but now he held them there, his fingers twitching. Debating whether to comfort Davide again. "W-when I got to my house and she wasn't-- that's why I came here," his eyes had a wild, uncertain look, "I-I'm sorry, I didn't know where else to--" 

"It's okay!" Bane decided to give Davide's shoulder a firm pat, after all. "I was just surprised, that's all. But hearing you say it, I don't blame you. Man, you've really been through hell, and here am I--" Davide cut him off with a wave of his hand. 

"We don't have to, I spent so long thinking about, we don't have to keep. Mentioning." He sighed, and Bane thought he looked exhausted. "I just want to talk about something else." 

"Okay," Bane said, but his mind throbbed with the thought of it all. He's here, alive, after three goddamn years and he wants to talk about something else. His parents had fled the country. Davide's mother had gripped Bane's hand at the funeral service. She dried her eyes, weakly, that last time -- like the tissue stuffed up her sleeve had become a normal part of her -- and she'd said, take care, Haru-chan, and the way she said it made Bane shiver. Because, he thought, the only person who had known the way he felt was leaving him and leaving for the last time. Davide, all traces of Davide, left him, he thought, for the final time. But Bane tried to think of something else to say, and Davide scratched at his beard and eyed the side of a cereal box. 

"Wasn't this one Kentaroh's favourite?" Davide said. He lifted up the box and showed Bane the front picture. "This cereal?" 

"It's Aki's favourite," Bane said, blandly, and then, "I can kinda see Kentaroh liking it though, or well--" He frowned, and drew his lips back. 

"How are they? Kentaroh and everyone?" Davide watched his own finger prodding at the side of the milk bottle and smudging patterns in condensation.

"We haven't exactly…" Bane sighed. "Everyone went to different schools, we barely see each other." He grit his teeth. That day they stood all around him, all of them with hurt in their eyes. How could you, they said, you're not the only one who grieves for him. And now Davide was sitting in front of him, watching him with concern. Bane felt a knot tighten in his stomach, but he said, "You want to see them, don't you?" 

"It's been so long," Davide said. "W-would they? Could you get them to meet?" 

Bane shook his head with a smile, "Oh Davi, if they knew you were alright-- they'd come runnin'," he said. But he swallowed. He felt like the hairs on his arms were sticking up and he brushed them back down again. "It's just," but he couldn't say it. It looked like the stars were shining in Davide's eyes, it was that face, that face that had been Bane's weakness from a long time ago. "Will you come with me? If we go together, everyone--" 

"I can't," Davide said, and Bane's stomach felt cold. Davide put his hands to his hair, then smoothed them over his face, "I can't just walk around l-looking like, like…" 

Bane stared at the ground. "I get it. I have to go alone." He watched his feet as he crossed to the back door -- still unlocked -- and didn't raise his face, or wait, to hear Davide's words. 

He was at the staff-only door of the Itsuki restaurant, and clenching and re-clenching his fist a few inches from the surface of the door. He put his hand into his pocket and pulled out the spare back door key that Davide had given him. Bane turned it over in his fingers, and squeezed it hard against his palm, and when he released it, there were little sore red grooves in his skin. He sighed, he screwed his eyes shut, he knocked at the door without looking. And when Icchan pulled it open a few moments later, and they made eye contact, Bane felt himself shrink from it. He stared at his clenched fist. 

"Bane?" Icchan said, sounding equal parts surprised and disappointed. A long silence drew out between them, and Icchan sighed. He shifted so that he leant a shoulder against the door frame. "It's been a long time," he said, and he exhaled heavily. 

"I'm sorry," Bane said, and then he paused, and when Icchan half-laughed and said, for what?, he couldn't pick a favourite answer of the many he had on the tip of his tongue. But he said, "do you have some time now? Would you come walk with me for a bit?" Icchan looked uneasy, glanced over his shoulder, into the restaurant behind him. "I, uh, I'm gonna ask the others, too," Bane said quickly. "There's something I really gotta say to everyone." He waited. "Please, Icchan." 

Icchan frowned, looked at his watch, stuck his head back inside the door and then looked back at Bane. He opened his mouth and closed it again without speaking. Bane kept waiting, waiting for 'no', but tried not to let that show in his face. Icchan sighed through his nose with whistling force, "Oh, Bane. Alright," he said, and Bane's mouth dropped open slightly, "Alright, I'll come with you, but only until seven, I have to help open up tonight." 

They took to each familiar house, and each time, Icchan would shrug and shake his head. "I'm just going to hear him out, at least," and one by one, another reluctant old friend joined the group. And when there were six together, Icchan said, "so what did you want to talk about?" and Bane ground his teeth.

"Could you guys… come to my place?" he said. They looked at each other, and then at Bane, some of them managing to hide their disapproval. Others, not so much. 

"Is it really that important?" Saeki said, and Icchan dug his elbow into Saeki's side and coughed. 

"I get it," Bane said, forcing himself to look at them, "I know how you feel, okay, like I wouldn't… trust me, either," he blinked, trying not to add, heck I'm not sure I trust me, "But please, just give me another chance." Nobody seemed moved. "Okay, guys, don't give me a chance. You don't gotta. But we're all here already, does it make that much of a difference at this point?" He smiled and turned his head towards the coast, where the pale blue of the sea somehow stood out against the sky. "I mean, if you come with me now, and I fuck up again, what? You can all go on hating me--" 

"Nobody hates you!" Kentaroh said, but when Bane looked at him, Kentaroh had nothing more to add. 

Bane's smile warmed. "Thanks," he said, but then he let the smile fade. "I'd like to make up for what happened. If I could-- but hell, I don't even know if it's possible. You don't have to forgive me, but at least… at least come with me. Talk to me. If you don't, none of us are ever gonna know if I can be better." There was a silence in which the rush of the sea, and of cars, and the calling of seagulls pulled out the time.

"Man I can't stand hearing you talk like this," Shudoh said. He stepped forward and clapped Bane on the shoulder. "I want to put this shit behind me - behind all of us," he said, turning back to the rest of them. "Stuff like this fucks you up, it'd fuck anyone up, but it got all of us. What good does it do to let Bane take the fall for that?" 

"Sato…" Bane said, and his voice caught in his throat for a moment, "Damn, you big girl," he said, and Shudoh laughed at him. But nobody talked on the walk back to Bane's house. It was only when Bane said, "this way," leading them past the front door and around to the back -- he still gripped the key tight in his hand so it felt warm and clammy -- that their silence was broken. 

Bane's hand shook as it turned the door handle. It was unlocked, even now. They stepped into the kitchen. There were boxes of cereal on the table, a dirty bowl and spoon abandoned in front of one of the chairs, which was pushed out slightly. Bane narrowed his eyes and moved his head, left to right, in a useless gesture. 

"So? Bane, what did you want to say?" Icchan said, with infinite patience. Bane looked at him and swallowed hard. Then he turned away. 

"…Davi?" Bane said. Silence. "Davi? Come out, I, I brought everyone…" The words trembled even as he said them, and behind him he heard the disgust of his friends. 

"No!! Not again!" Kentaroh said, covering his hands with his face, and Saeki put a sharp hand on Bane's shoulder, forcing Bane to turn. 

"Is this some kind of a joke to you?" Bane opened and closed his mouth helplessly. "Was everything you said back there about-- about-- making up for things? Was that just a sick joke to you?" Saeki's eyes were cold. 

"No! He, he's here!" Bane turned back towards the table.

"Bane, there's nobody here!" Ryoh said.

"No, he's not--" Bane tried to catch his breath, "he WAS here, he-- he wanted cereal, so I--" 

"Cereal?" Icchan's quiet voice was full with pity. 

"Yes! So I got him all the cereal, and the milk-- look, the milk's gone from the table!" Bane marched to the fridge and opened it, "Look the milk's in here! He must've put it away!" He sounded astonished, impressed, relieved, but then he noticed Kentaroh, sobbing and wiping the tears away. Bane frowned at them. "Y-you don’t…? But, he came in here, the door! The door was unlocked just now, right?" They looked at each other, uncertain. "That's how he got in here! That's how he got in my house!" 

"Bane…" Saeki said, compassion breaking through his hurt voice. 

"I thought you unlocked it, man?" Shudoh said, quietly, "I mean I saw your hands moving on the handle?" 

"I didn't unlock it, it was unlocked! Davi unlocked it!" The room was crowding in on Bane again, and his eyes felt sore and wet. "He gave me the key!" Bane said, holding his palm upwards. 

The group stepped forward, peering at the key Bane held up. "Oh, God," Icchan said, sweeping a hand over his forehead.

"Bane," Saeki said, his voice gentle and his words slow, "you have the key in your hand. You had it all this time, didn't you?" 

"Well, yeah, because Davi--" 

"Shh, Bane," Saeki stepped towards him and put both his hands on Bane's shoulders. He waited for Bane's breathing to calm, and then eased him into the pulled-out dining chair. "If you had the key when we came in here, Bane, then the door being unlocked is no proof that Davide was here." There was silence in the kitchen as Bane processed Saeki's words. 

"Do you still take meds, man? Where do you keep them?" Shudoh said, bending forward slightly so he was at eye level with Bane, "I'll get them for ya." 

"…I really thought…" Bane's eyes welled up. And Kentaroh rushed forward to put his arms around Bane's neck.

"I-it's-- so-- scary-- when you s-say-- you s-saw-- Davide," every word disrupted by a forceful sob. It was enough, and Bane gave himself over to the tears, hiccupping and sobbing as noisily as Kentaroh. 

"I thought he was here, I thought he was still," Bane's voice was a helpless wail, "He had a beard!" he said. 

"A beard?" Icchan said, with half a laugh. Bane tried to shrug, but his shoulders were shaking so much already that the gesture was lost. "Maybe it means something, like, you were thinking about Ojii." 

Ryoh walked across to the table and took the glass of water -- the one that Bane had poured for Davide earlier -- and emptied it in the sink before refilling it. He pushed the glass into Bane's hand, and Kentaroh moved away just enough to lay his palm against Bane's back, steadying him while he drank. Ryoh waited for Bane to finish, and then he said, "Or maybe it represents… how you felt?" Bane gaped at him, shocked at being hounded on top of everything else. "I'm not trying to pick on you!" Ryoh said, and Saeki interjected,

"Everyone knew, Bane." He spoke and smiled about as kindly as possible, but Bane still grimaced, screwed his eyes shut and covered his face with his hands. "Everyone knew, but… I'm sorry, Bane," Saeki said, and Bane peeped through his fingers to look at him. "I'm sure that's why losing him affected you this much. It must be hard on you--" 

"It's hard on everyone," Bane said with a hoarse voice.

"I know, I mean, you're right, but…" Saeki looked around, trying to gather the support of the group. Icchan stepped forward. 

"We were upset. We all were, that's why we didn't see how much… how much you really needed us," Icchan exhaled out of his nose softly, and his eyebrows were furrowed with regret. "We should've known the first time you thought you saw Davide, but it was just easier to blame you than try to understand what was happening." Other members of the group gave solemn nods as they listened. "I'm really sorry for how we treated you-- how I treated you. You must've been hurting so much." Icchan had tears at the corners of his eyes, and Bane felt an uneasiness in his stomach. 

"But I just… it just happened again. After years, all this time, I just," Bane couldn't stop frowning. His voice was both disgusted and confused, "I don't know why you'd forgive me. I can't forgive me. And maybe Da--" he caught the word and swallowed it. "I'm not sure he would forgive me, for letting this happen." Bane's voice was small, "for everything." 

Saeki's even, gentle voice broke the silence, "Maybe you should go and talk to him," and Bane gave him a pointed look, "there's only one place you can go to see Davide, isn't there? When was the last time you went to see him?" Bane's face softened as he thought about it. Standing there, side by side with Davide's mother, she grabbing the sleeve of his black jacket, and both of them crying in silence. "Why don't you go? Why don't we all go," Saeki said, turning about with his arms outstretched, including everyone, "we should all go and tell Davide how we felt, don't you think?" 

Ryoh nodded, Icchan smiled, and Shudoh clapped Bane on the back. Kentaroh hiccupped and wiped his face, but he managed to say, "yeah! Let's go!" even if it wasn't with his usual energy. Bane swallowed. He opened his hand and looked at the door key, and with a final nod, he put it onto the kitchen table. He accepted Saeki and Shudoh's steadying arms, grabbing them each just above the elbow, and stumbling to his feet.

"Where are we going?" Davide said. 

Bane felt cold sweat run down his spine. He turned his head to the door behind him. Davide stood in the doorway in the same drab grey outfit Bane had noticed in the kitchen earlier, except the shoulders of his shirt were darkened as if wet. Bane reached out to steady himself on the table, opening his mouth to say it, to say, it's happening again, but it wasn't his own voice that he heard.

"Davide??" It was Saeki. His voice was faint and faltering. "Are you kidding, is this??" but he couldn't finish his question.

"I see him, too!" Kentaroh said.

"What the fuck Bane, you said he had a beard!" Shudoh yelped. Bane looked at them in horror, and they looked back, everyone wide-eyed and shaking. Then Bane turned to Davide, who was stroking his chin self-consciously. Bane could see red lines and blotches where the matted hair used to be. 

"I've never shaved before…" Davide said, "I moustache someone how to do it properly… pfft!" 

Bane took a step towards Davide, frowning, mouth gaping. Bane shook his head, clapped his hands to his face, and all the while Davide looked at him with polite confusion. "What kind of a shitty joke was that?" Bane said, with a strained voice, and he threw his arms around Davide, holding him tight, squeezing the air out of his lungs.

And from behind them, Kentaroh wailed "Davideeee," and piled around them, followed by the others one by one, until all of them were crying, laughing, and wheezing in a pile on the kitchen floor.


End file.
